But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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