i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
