maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
