You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
