Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
