Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
