WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
