hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My liver just had a heart attack.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
