...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
