there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
