Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
