We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
