Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
