I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
