Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
