My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
