My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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