I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
This is the high leading the old right now
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My legs feel like baby dolphins
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
