peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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