the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
