the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
