even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
