Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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