So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
