oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
