You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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