Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
