i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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