In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
