I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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