I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
