why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
