Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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