Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
