I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize