Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
