Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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