we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
