her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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