the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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