what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
