She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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