I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize