Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
