That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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