Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize