Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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