So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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