I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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