It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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