And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
