I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
