I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
