you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize