Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
