Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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