i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
