He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
