i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just google imaged poop.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
