she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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