Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize