Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
