Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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