meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
