Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize