yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
