Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
