you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
