The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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