Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize