need another drink. this is the easiest way
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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