I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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