he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is it because I queefed?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize