I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
